Ariel: “Okay, what do all of the best resumes have? I need to put down Name, Education, Job Experience, and Hobbies, right?”

Name: Ariel Lovebird
Education: High School Diploma from Community School for the Gifted
Job Experience: None…unless you count pet-sitting.
Hobbies: Writing, painting, video games.

Ariel: “Damn, this is awful.”